Stay at home mom.
I have come to believe that for most people the label "stay at home mom" connotates a mom who stays at home. A mom who doesn't have a job "outside" the home. A mom who stays at home to do laundry, clean the house and prepare meals. Funny, I don't know any moms who are "stay at home". In fact, I think this label is mis-leading at best.
About three years ago our family decided to cancel our subscription to cable television. And, we also decided not to purchase one of those cute little converter boxes. Result? No tv at our house. No baseball, no football, no American Idol. Did the kids groan? Yep. So, the hubby and I promised them that, I, being a "stay at home" mom would fill the void that the lack of tv had left in their lives.
Thus began my life as a "stay at home" mom. Except, I rarely stay at home. Between car pools, grocery shopping, hair cuts, soccer practice, baseball practice, softball practice, volleyball practice and coaching, traveling to away games, chaperoning field trips and a summer filled with adventures to the river complete with swimming and berry picking, I am NEVER at home. And, if I am at home I'm not really in the house - I'm feeding chickens, weeding the garden, mowing and watering the lawn. Plus, the countless playdates and sleepovers.
Was all of the above the direct result of not letting my kids watch tv for hours on end? Yes, and no. We decided that I would give up working outside the house (plus my salary and benefits) in the hopes that our kids would thrive with a "stay at home" mom.
Every once in awhile I would feel the sting of the comments of working moms. "Oh, it must be so nice to stay at home" or " you don't know what it is like to work and have to take care of the kids". Except I do and I did know the toll that working moms face. I worked full-time and traveled a lot. And, I missed my kids. So I decided to become a "stay at home" mom.
About a year ago we subscribed to Netflix. (God, love them - even with their price increase) One of my kids' fave shows is SurvivorMan. Or some connotation of that theme. You know what I'm talking about - the guy who gets dropped in the middle of nowhere without provisions and has to survive on whale blubber for a week. With his camera crew. And an Emmy nomination. To those dudes I offer up a challenge to become a "stay at home" mom for a week. I think we could give whale blubber a run for the money. Especially when I think of a friend who is living in a barn while building a dream house and managing three kids. Or another mom who gardens and loves and prays while managing two little boys and a hubby who is gone a lot because he is a pilot. Or, the friend who writes incredible, inspiring and witty blogs while managing her three kids and a hubby who travels A LOT.
This is a post to give credit to all the "stay at home" moms out there. The women who put their kiddos and their families first, even though at times they face derision and scorn for "staying home". Even when staying at home doesn't always mean staying at home.
Oh how I remember the days when I was too a "stay at home" mom! I cherish every minute of our decision for me to 'stay home'. (If I had it to do over, I would have stayed home clear through school graduation and not until they were all in school.) In this particular parenting choice, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. Hold your head up, be proud you have chosen what is best for your family. I'm sure you are thankful you have a supportive husband and the financial means to do it and the willingness to sacrifice financially, personally and professionally. And to the mother's who say, "Since you don't work", just smile. You know you are doing what is right for your family and you made that CHOICE! And living out of a car isn't so bad, is it?
ReplyDeleteRegularly, when I go to a function for my husband's job, or a party where I'm meeting new people, I get asked the question, "What do you do?"
ReplyDeleteI used to dread this question because I felt like my answer was lame...my answer WAS lame. But not because being a 'stay at home mom' is lame, but because my half hearted, slightly down trodden, feeling less worthy tone spoke louder than my words. I thought I was lame. What I think of me creates my reality, NOT what other people think of me. What they think is THEIR reality.
So I have a new answer now. Now, when someone asks me what I do, I say, "The very best I can. In every area. What do you do?"
Because that's true. And that's not lame. And neither am I.
Thank you for this post. Sorry my comments were a bit 'seemore-ish'.